the mirror cracked!

The year 2000 was very eventful in many aspects----I topped my undergraduate exams with 57% marks....got myself admitted for my masters in Calcutta University...and lastly Shubho left me.............

                                 It was 2nd february if I am not mistaken---Shubho's birthday.I had ransacked almost every music store to buy a collector's item for him..after a lot of rejections I finally settled with Suchitra Mitra andAmjad Ali Khan's Gems from Tagore...I could see him right from the college entrance gate..he was in a check blue shirt and faded blue denim,looking erudite as always! As i ran upto him he came and embraced me with a peck on my cheeks..he was excited as he unwrapped the gift and shouted in joy....Before I could begin my next sentence,he yelled-''kaustav,i'm so happy today!!  I have something to share with you,only you''I kind of blushed and thought probably he would bend like an Elizabethan lover and say,''accept me dear''...but what followed was  something which altered my life altogether....
                              he was in love with a girl.....and never before had he ever told me that he was bisexual! I knew the girl,infact we all knew her..she was Oindrilla,an iuncumbent from Auxillium Convent who had quite successfully lured him with her intellectual pursuits....all that I didn't have---Kafka,Freud,Camus(remember my previous blog?)

          Anyways,I had made a complete mess of myself on that day with my sentimentalism,and realised how futile one's whims and fancies were! My castles were already built not in the air though,but they collapsed with one damn declaration....I needed a lap to hide myself and Priyanka was there as if echoing the lines...''Jibono Moroner Seemana Charaye,Bondhu Hey Amar Royecho Dnaraye ''.....i spent the entire evening at GD-282,salt lake reddening my eyes....

Shubho left Kolkata...after failing his exams....don't know what happened to his new love story!I was a stoic guy who only seem to know the bus route to Calcutta University....walking down Bidhan Sarani,Vivekananda Road to Maniktala.....

He came,he saw,he conquered!

Undergraduate course was in its full swing...One fine day,a young man fair,tall with expressive eyes stepped into our  class and asked us to recall English synonyms of the Bangla word Paati(ordinary)...We were at a loss as no one could exactly satisfy him with our versions of Paati....He shouted with an air of arrogance and rebuked us for being bad at vocabulary...ki porechho tomra English??ei obosthaa ekta undergraduate honours  class er? ami bolchi shono....and then came a flurry of synonyms---cliche,banal,trite,platitudinous...We were taken aback at his skill and command over English language...So finally there was someone who would serve as a foil to the boastful A.G.D whom we had christened The Proud Peacock of Saint.Paul's...Prof.Kaushik Sarbadhikari...ex-Ashutosh College,ex-Jadavpur University....1st class 2nd!!Priyanka,Shakuntala,Shubhosree were gaping as he went on lecturing in his regal English....though somewhat effeminate in his gait,there was an undying charm about this man which I would cherish as long as I live......The effect of his lectures was so redolent that very soon,we were lured into his tuition classes...and on a Tuesday evening,Sir accompanied us to his Hazra residence and 44/8A hazra Road,became our hot spot after college twice a week....who had imagined that this house would remain witness to so many eventful evenings ?Now,when I go past this house on Sundays on my way to Srabanidi's class,the memories haunt me and I kind of wait to catch a glimpse of the man leaning from his third floor balcony....But he would never do that....he can only peep from the sky !!

Yet Another Love Story.........

My love story might sound very filmy to you all....a college tale firstly,when love stories begin and end in the wink of an eye,and a forbidden love secondly----but believe me,It was no different from a Rekha-Amitabh Silsilaa...though rumours had spread in the college that two guys of the English deptt.are in love,but I somehow never felt uncomfortable ,rather basked in the glory of my new found love...My concentration in studies increased manifold,my creativity knew no bounds,and most importantly,I got a fresher  vivacity to reinvent my music!the riyaaz sessions were rigorous now,the drive to do something BIG was seen with a greater intensity like never before.....we would pay occasional visits to Gaganendra Pradarshanshala to catch up with an exhibition,or slip into Nandan bunking the nagging Political Science pass classes to watch the first day first show of Saving Private Ryan or Rituparno's Dahan....Shubho always insisted that I read Kafka,Camus,Freud for enriching my literary acumen....but I would droll over a Buddhadeb Guha or Sunil Ganguly inevitably!and there was a clash.....''tumi ki oshob bachhader boi poro...egulo na porle first class hobe na Kaustav''!!

the consummation!

It was 31st december 1999---an untimely depression had swept across Kolkata,resulting into heavy rains since last two days...Park Street was not in its usual festive mood,as people remained confined to their homes ...North Kolkata was under knee-deep water-I couldn't go to college and spent the entire day listening to my favourite monsoon numbers of Tagore by Debabrata Biswas and Indrani Sen.Godhuligogoney Meghe Dhekechilo Tara was a special favourite of mine......Shubho called up in the morning and said he would come sometime in the afternoon.Maa had prepared Khichuri,alu-poster boraa and her celebrated chutney....Shubho was almost drenched when he reached home....his wet locks had fallen on his spotless forehead....his crimson kurta was all wet....he took it off and slipped into a t shirt of mine....this was the first time i caught a glimpse of his body....it was terribly masculine and tender as well---i wiped his head with a towel and combed his hair....Maa needed to go to the post office for some urgent work...it was partially dark outside....Shubho played Nikhil Banerjee's miyan ki malhar and reclined on my bed....I was tuning my tanpura when all of a sudden he caught me by my chin and kissed me on my right cheek....he had an intense look in his eyes like never before.we didn't utter a single word....he asked me to hum the malhar......he took off my t shirt and caressed my shoulders,pecked at my neck.....within seconds we lost ourselves into a trance.....i could only feel his breath as he kissed me deep on my lips and held me tight in his arms............I had surrendered myself to this man and there was no going back........I had lost my virginity finally!